I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
