hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
