I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
