I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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