if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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