You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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