I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
