I heard we made out
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize