Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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