Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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