she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize