just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
