Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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