is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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