We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
