Dual....:-)
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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