im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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