im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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