oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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