his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize
