I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
