i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize