Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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