It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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