Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
