I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
