Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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