May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
