I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
