hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i need some magic done to my vagina
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
