He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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