her vagine was all disorganized.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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