We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize