Already got asked if we're dating
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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