I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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