Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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