I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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