hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
