proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize