Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
