i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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