Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
