you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
