her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
