So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
