ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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