dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My bed smells like the plague
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
