i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
They took my balls.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
