drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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