What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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