I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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