No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
this will be a night to untag.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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