my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
