I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
