There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
