Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
