I think I died a long time ago.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
