Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
