i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
