where does the pee come out of this thing
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
