I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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