Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize