so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
