I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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