Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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